Handling non-affirming family members, friends, and acquaintances can be extremely tough in every phase of life but it’s especially difficult during wedding planning and your LGBTQ engagement. This is a time when you specifically want to turn to loved ones to celebrate and affirm your happiness.
It can be really painful when that love isn’t given, even if the lack of love is coming from more distant people/acquaintances in your life. Many LGBTQ+ couples face this hurdle in their wedding planning ventures (even we did!) so we wanted to offer a few things to consider when navigating this issue.
1. Set boundaries
This is possibly the hardest part of the process but you and your partner need to decide what your boundaries are and you need to stick to them. It can be tough to hold firm on our boundaries, especially when we feel like we need our loved ones more than ever, but it’s crucial to hold on to your boundary lines. Sometimes you have to take these boundaries on a person-by-person basis. You and your significant other should have a serious conversation about who exactly is and isn’t a healthy asset to have in your ecosystem during this time.
Many LGBTQ+ folks find they need to go completely no contact with certain people and others find that it’s easier to simply not invite certain people to their weddings. Your boundaries will be unique to you and your partner but getting clear on them together and remaining firm is definitely the key to navigating negativity from people who are “supposed” to be supportive of your LGBTQ engagement.
2. Consider limiting your guest list
This is semi-related to boundary setting but is perhaps more for couples who feel certain wedding guests wouldn’t mesh with others. Maybe you have LOADS of affirming friends but not many affirming family members. Consider using that precious seat space on more of your friends than family members or visa versa.
Whatever your special mixture of affirming humans is, consider giving them an exclusive invite to your momentous occasion. There’s generally a guest limit at wedding venues anyway so if you’re going to have to be picky with who you invite, might as well invite the people who genuinely support you and your partner!
3. Consider an elopement
This is a “avoid the issue altogether” solution in our opinion. Or more of a “stick the middle finger up” vibe if you will. 😅 But there’s a ton of reasons for LGBTQ+ engagement couples to elope rather than to have a traditional wedding.
Here are just a few:
- There’s something special about spending your wedding day solely with your partner.
- You can bundle your wedding and honeymoon all in one. Why waste money on an expensive, all-out traditional wedding AND dip into the savings for a honeymoon when you could get it all in one and often for much cheaper?!
- You get to choose every aspect of your day. You’re not compromising or falling into family expectations. Elopements are much more custom-crafted and intentional than most traditional weddings
- Or have a vow ceremony just for the two of you and then have a celebration with all of the supportive humans in your life at a later time or that evening!
4. Lean on the affirming people you DO have
Whoever these people are for you—whether it’s your chosen family, close friends, or affirming relatives—lean on them. They are your support system, and you don’t have to carry the weight of unsupportive loved ones alone. Let them be your safe space, the ones who remind you that your love is valid, beautiful, and worth celebrating.
If you feel comfortable, ask these trusted people to advocate for you when you’re not in the room. Sometimes, having allies speak up on your behalf can make a huge difference, whether it’s correcting misinformation, shutting down hurtful comments, or simply reinforcing that your relationship deserves respect. You don’t have to do all the emotional labor yourself—your people want to support you.
Surround yourself with those who uplift you, celebrate you, and show up for you. Whether it’s venting over coffee, having a safe place to cry, or planning the details of your engagement and wedding with excitement instead of judgment, these affirming voices will help drown out the negativity. And remember, love—especially the love between you and your partner—isn’t up for debate. It deserves to be honored, nurtured, and celebrated fully.
5. Reach out to other LGBTQ+ couples
Not only can other couples offer you tips based on their experiences, but they’re also excellent people to bounce your own ideas off of. If they’ve been there before you, they can help you decide how to approach your unique circumstance and work through conflict.
If you don’t know any other LGBTQ+ couples, consider social media groups. Here are just a couple we found below. Whatever your preferred platform is, chances are there’s a Facebook group, Reddit thread, or hashtag for it!
LGBTQ wedding planning and advice
LGBTQ+ wedding ideas, tips and inspiration
6. Protect your Peace
At the end of the day, you and your partner should be put first. It can be tough to lose connections or to have hardship with a loved one but ultimately your marriage and your happiness is the priority. Anything and anyone who stands in the way of that is a threat to your peace.
LGBTQ Engagement Tips//Summing It Up
It can take time to feel comfortable taking all of these steps and to stand firm with what brings you happiness but like we’ve said before, there are so many other LGBTQ+ couples and allies who would be more than willing to stand with you and offer support as you move through this process. And remember, your LGBTQ engagement is worth celebrating!
Planning an LGBTQIA+ Elopement?
Are you starting to plan your own LGBTQ+ elopement? Are you trying to figure out where to start in the planning process? We’ll no worries! We’ve got you covered! We have lots of blogs to help you start planning your elopement, with considerations to affirming vendors, inclusive locations, and more! Checkout some of the blogs HERE and HERE to get started planning!
And if you are ready to reach out, reach out on our CONTACT page today!
XOXO,
Sam & Bryt
